I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Found the puke drawer
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
