it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Randomize
