I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
