I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
