On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Randomize