Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
