She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
