Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
it hurts more in the daytime
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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