You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
