What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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