He uses pillows to masturbate.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
