I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
