I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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