fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
