Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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