I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
