I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
