People in love make me want to vomit
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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