Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
i came on her dog
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
