You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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