Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
