3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
