Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
