the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
