I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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