dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Four minutes until I can fart!
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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