I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
