I want to make a zoo with you.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Randomize
