if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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