i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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