If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
