my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
