just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
