dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
