Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
