so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
