i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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