yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Randomize
