life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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