My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize