we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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