I wannas sexs uuuuu
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
