and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
