'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I seem to have left my pride at pride
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
