he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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