bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
false alarm, still single
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
