I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
