you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
bring money and cleavage
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
