I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
