Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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