I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
