you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
