I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
