hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
