do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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