you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
where are you?
Hypothermia
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
