What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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