i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
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