What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
