Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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