so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize
