He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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