Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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