Got a toothbrush?
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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