i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
