I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
