i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
