i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
