Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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