I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
