Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
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