like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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