I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
