I could make wine with my vomit
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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