i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize