Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
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