His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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