I think I am morally bankrupt
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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