my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Randomize
