I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
