I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
