You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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