Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
