I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
You took a bar mat shot.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
