Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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