you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
