if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
