And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
