You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
