I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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