Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
