He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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