last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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