I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
so let's talk penis.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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