I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize