Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
