Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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