Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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