I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
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