I wish I could teleport
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize