Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Randomize
