i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
