I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
we're chasing vodka with high fives
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Randomize
