Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
