not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
