Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
what day is it and did you see me today?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
