well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
