awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
