Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
