batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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