im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Randomize
