I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
