nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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