he thought i was a dude.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
