This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
