i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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