fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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